You just spent the better part of last week plugging your latest book, "Why You're Messed Up," a sequel to your New York Times bestsellers, "Why Your Husband's Messed Up" and "Why Your Kids Are Messed Up." It's tiring, and you complain about having to do the promotional tours, but you love all the attention. You regard yourself as a beacon of common sense in an increasingly foolish world.
Foolishness was the watchword when you were growing up. It was hard enough being raised by hippies in Humboldt, but your mother just happened to be a fringe Wiccan, too. While your father was busy spending the spring living in the branches of a redwood, your mother was dancing naked in the woods with her coven, imagining that goat spirits and pixies were listening to her. You don't remember ever buying into your mother's delusions, but you do remember rolling your eyes a good deal.
Well, you're grown up now. At the first chance you got, you took off to make it on your own. You bet your loopy parents were probably too stoned to notice that you were gone for at least a month. Anyway, you were just staying at a friend's across town, but you felt like you had finally moved back into the real world. You saved up some money, and eventually you started some classes at a community college. Many grueling years later, you garnered a B.A. in psychology from Cal State Fullerton, and then you picked up a Master's at UCLA.
After all of your studies, you've come to the conclusion that anything people label as "paranormal" can be explained by pure human stupidity. Your father's claim that he was abducted by space aliens? Clearly, he was dreaming while still under the influence of all that pot he smoked. Your mother's insistence that her naked dancing made it rain? It was obviously just selective memory, natural climate, and shoddy logic. After all, it can rain a lot in Humboldt. Déjà vu is simply the byproduct of a temporary misfire in the short-term memory process. Near- death experiences are just head trauma and too many episodes of Touched by an Angel. Even though they deny it, most people are stupid enough to let themselves get caught up in this hysteria, and it only makes them unhappier in the long run.
This brings us back to the present, in which you have an upcoming series of book signings in San Francisco. You love San Francisco. It has it all: great food, beautiful scenery, and no shortage of messed-up people. The books fly off the shelves, and the weirdo protesters are always good for some publicity. Your agent has booked you on the high-speed express train from LA to SF. This book tour has been tiring, but you realize that you can't wait to get going again.
At the beginning of the game, feel free to talk to your neighbors, nap, read a book, or flip through a magazine, just as you might on a real train ride. When one of the judges announces the explosion, (safely!) fling yourself out of your seat, scream, cry out to the Heavens, or go nuts, as appropriate. Don't go overboard, as pretty much everyone should be dead within a few moments. When you die, just lie still on the ground with your eyes closed until a judge announces the continuation of the game.
When you wake, you'll be horribly disappointed. Obviously, those years of living with your superstitionist parents rubbed off on you, no matter how you tried to undo the damage. You're obviously suffering from a trauma- induced delusion. You've even had the apocalyptic visions of Heaven and Hell that typify these so-called visions. You know that your mind is simply trying to deal with the shock of the violent explosion. Since you're suffering delusions, you're obviously still alive, though you don't know how long you'll stay that way. Your psyche must have splintered, personifying various aspects of your subconscious by projecting them onto the figures of the other passengers from the train. You have to keep yourself focused. If you analyze the items that the various archetypes have brought along with them, you should be able to figure out a way to reunify your splintered mind. Perhaps it would be good to "talk" to some of these other "people." Your subconscious is obviously trying to tell you something important.
Deny any supernatural explanation for the situation. If you start to accept the delusion, your mental health may be lost forever.